A song for you
by The Red Fedora
Summary: Now playing - There was no going back. She had seen that much in his eyes. Castle was gone and it was all her fault. She had never meant for him to find out this way. Set to Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles. Spoilers included for 47 Seconds.
1. Spell by Marie Digby

_Disclaimer: CASTLE belongs to ABC and not me – just borrowing them_

_Author's note: This story takes place after season 4, but the spoilers are light. This is the first of a series of song-fictions, which I have decided to combine into a chapter set rather than posting them individually. Hope you enjoy. This story was inspired by Marie Digby's "Spell"._

The soft notes from the piano seemed to linger for a moment in the air as the song came to an end; ripple of applause echoed through the _Old Haunt_. Kate leaned back against the smooth wood of the booth with a contented sigh as she felt the tension in her weary body finally begin to release. The week had been long and exhausting with a case that had nearly managed to beat them; however they had managed to miraculously solve it in the end. Another killer was off the streets, a family had been given closure and they had earned a much needed weekend off. She had planned to spend the Friday night as she always had with a hot bath, a good book and a glass of wine…however the case had left her feeling a bit unsettled and in want of company. She had not been the only one.

Within an hour, she had found herself tucked into a cozy corner booth at the _Old Haunt_ between Lanie and Jenny, listening as Ryan's fiancée related a humorous story regarding the woes of wedding planning while Castle and Esposito engaged Ryan in a lively debate over who should be his best man. For over an hour no mention was made of murder, mayhem or 'cop talk', as Castle put it…and Kate began to remember how nice it was to have a life outside of work. As the night had grown later, the others had eventually said their goodnights until only she and Castle remained. She had been in no hurry to return to her empty apartment and her partner had seemed in no hurry to see the evening end either.

Kate closed her eyes and allowed her mind to clear as the musician began to play a new song; as she listened a velvet voice began to sing, blending with the soft melancholy notes issuing from the baby grand tucked away in the far corner of the room.

"_Moonlight shining on my face…I can't see a thing and yet I feel you looking my way…an empty stage, with nothing but this girl, singing a simple melody and wearing her heart on her sleeve…"_

A small smile flittered across her lips as she felt the weight of her partner's gaze from across the room. She opened her eyes a slit and her stomach fluttered as she caught him watching her from the bar, a soft smile on his handsome face; he had been doing that more often lately, watching her when he thought she was not paying attention. She knew he still had strong feelings for her…though he had not voiced those feelings since his declaration several months earlier in the graveyard. As always, the cards had been stacked against them, or so the saying went…until now. Now there was nothing standing in the way. She let her eyes slide close as he turned away and focused on the words of the song as she fought to temper the blush she felt rising to her face.

"_Beauty emanates from every word that you say…echoes the deep thoughts in the purest and simplest of ways. But I'm not that graceful, like you, nor am I as eloquent, but this simple melody can change the way that you see me."_

Kate smiled slightly at the words…she had never heard the song before and yet it was if the words were being drawn from her thoughts. Thoughts that shifted to a letter she had found carefully tucked away within the pages of the advanced copy of _Heat Rises_ Castle had given her to help keep her occupied as she recovered from her injuries. He had a gift with words…one that had allowed him to rise among the ranks of the best sellers lists world-wide...one that had crafted the stories that had drawn her back from the edge after her mother's death…one that had helped to place many killers behind bars. But none of the words he had written had touched her more deeply than those in that one simple handwritten note. In true Castle fashion, he had managed to express the depths of his admiration for her…without placing the burden on her to reciprocate. He was willing to wait for her…as long as it took, but if her she did not feel the same, he had promised respect her decision and remain her friend always. She had read the letter many times…until the paper had begun to wrinkle and the ink smudged with her tears. It resided in her jewelry box, with her father's watch and her mother's ring.

She was in love with him…there was no denying it.

"_All my life I've stumbled but here I am just perfect. Perfect as I'll ever be."_

Kate felt both amazed and deeply humbled by the strength of his feelings for her. After all she had done to him…after all the times she had shoved him away and told him to leave…he was still there, by her side, protecting her from herself and pulling her back from the depths when she felt like giving up. When she had seen herself as a lost cause, he had refused to let her fall. Her white knight.

"_I've got you. For a moment, I can tell I've got you, 'cause your lips don't move and something is happening, cause your eyes tell me the truth."_

Her pulse quickened as she felt the cushion of the bench dip slightly as Castle claimed Jenny's empty seat beside her, her heart skipping a beat as she felt his hand brush hers as he set a glass on the table top before her. Kate opened her eyes and turned her head toward him, pausing as she found him closer than she had been expecting. His blue eyes were filled with concern as they swept her features slowly. She felt a rush of warmth rise within her chest as the color of his eyes shifted from a sky blue to deep cobalt as she gave him a reassuring smile. The love she saw in their depths stole the breath from her lungs.

She leaned forward slowly; narrowing the distance between them…pausing a mere breath away as her eyes flickered to his. "I love you too, Rick." She uttered softly, watching as the surprise faded into a deeper emotion.

She felt him smile against her lips as he closed the distance between them.

"_I've put a spell over you."_


	2. Arms by Christina Perri

_Disclaimer: CASTLE belongs to ABC…"Arms" belongs to the brilliant Christina Perri._

_Author's note: I had hoped to post a happy song next, but apparently that was not to be the case, who is to argue with inspiration? This is the first of a two part piece. Spoilers are light and practically nonexistent unless you have seen through season three and then you might know what is fiction and what is not…this is so ffreaderwriter can still read it as she suggested the song but has not yet made it all the way through the last season. This one was inspired by "Arms" by Christina Perri. On with the story…_

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><p><em>How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around…I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown…The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved…I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone. ~ Christina Perri "Arms"<em>

Tears blurred Kate's vision as she stumbled through the door into the women's locker room. A violent shudder ran through her body as the memories rushed back with a vengeance, each detail with vivid clarity and color as they forced her to relive the moment over again…and again. She slumped heavily against the cool metal of a locker door, sliding to the floor as her trembling knees gave way beneath her. She clutched the bundle she carried tight against her chest as she curled in on herself, her face pressing against its rough fabric. A pain filled sob echoed through the empty room as her carefully constructed walls came crashing down around her.

They had arrived on scene in the midst of a gun battle between a pair of suspects in a convenience store and two uniformed officers who had taken up defenses out front. One suspect made a break out the front door, taking down one of the officers before he was shot down by the man's partner. In the midst of the confusion, the second suspect had made a break out the side door and into the alley. Ryan had paused to check on the fallen patrolman while she had followed Esposito into the alley after the second man, shouting at Castle to stay in the car.

She remembered the smell rotting garbage piled high in overflowing dumpsters. She remembered the sharp slap of shoe soles against cobbled pavement. She remembered the explosion of red brick dust as a bullet slammed into the wall beside her inches from her head. She remembered the look in Esposito's dark eyes as he signaled for her to halt as he inched forward, before peaking around the corner of a foul smelling dumpster. His frown, as well as a frightened yelp, had informed her that the suspect was no longer alone. She met her partner's gaze and a silent argument waged between them. Finally he grimaced and nodded sharply, easing into position as she held her gun loosely in her hand and called out to the cornered man. She knew immediately after her eyes met the man's panic stricken gaze that it was not going to end well.

She remembered the sound of her gun sliding across the rough pavement as she kicked it away. She remembered the fear in the eyes of the unlucky kitchen boy from Ying's Restaurant who had been guilty of nothing more than taking out the trash at the wrong moment. She remembered the dull glint of the man's revolver as it swung back and forth between the head of the terrified kitchen boy and herself. Someone was going to die in that alley…she had been certain of it at the time. She had done her best to convince the man to turn himself in; he had not killed anyone so there was still a chance he could cut a deal. Then she had heard a noise from behind her and everything went to hell.

She remembered the anger in the man's eyes as he leveled his gun at her and fired. She remembered closing her eyes as she waited for the impact with no time to move…but before they could strike a heavy body had slammed into her, driving the air from her lungs as they fell to the pavement. She remembered faintly hearing the sound of four more shots fired in rapid succession…and then all was still. She had struggled useless against the dead weight of her savior, her attempt growing more frantic as she recognized the scent of his cologne.

He was supposed to stay in the car…he never listened.

Kate froze as the soft squeak of door hinges drew her away from the alley and back to the cold floor of the locker room. She swiped uselessly at her tear stained face with a trembling hand as she struggled to pull herself together. If anyone saw her like this, she was certain it would earn her another two weeks of desk duty with additional visits to the precinct shrink. She was not sure if she could handle that…on top of everything else.

"Kate?"

She slumped back against the lockers as a soft voice spoke her name; she remained silent, too spent both emotionally and physically to put any effort into a response. Apparently it made no difference as she heard the soft squeak of his converse tennis shoes against the tiled floor. He paused a few feet away from her before slowly lowering onto the low bench which ran the length of the aisle between the lockers. She flinched slightly as she heard his sharp intake of breath as his movements aggravated his new bruises…and a number of new visions assaulted her mind without warning. A loud explosion. The burning wreckage of her apartment. A blood drenched hanger floor. Her partner's unnaturally still body lying on the dirty pavement of the alley…

Her eyes flew open as she attempted to force the images from her mind, though her actions were in vain as her gaze settled on the large white letters on the item now lying limp against her legs. _WRITER_. Her fingers automatically found the tears in the Kevlar where the bullets had impacted.

"I can order another." She heard her partner remarked softly. "Maybe one with more padding. Ooo or body armor like Batman."

Kate let out a strangled laugh as she suddenly pushed to her feet. She tossed the vest onto the low bench beside him. "You won't need another one." She remarked, grateful that her voice at least sounded stronger than she felt at the moment. "You are done shadowing me, Castle, effective immediately."

His hand reached out as she tried to move past, grasping her arm in a firm but gentle grip. She heard him wince as he stood. "Kate."

Kate pulled away, taking a few steps forward in an effort to gain the distance she required in order to be able to stand firm. She was lethal…like kryptonite. Too many good men had died…or at least been severely injured…trying to protect her. She was not about to let Castle be the next. He had a family…and they need him. More than she did.

"I'm not leaving." He stated firmly.

Kate closed her eyes in an attempt to hold back a new onslaught of tears. "You have to." She replied. "Alexis needs you. It's too dangerous."

A heavy silence hung between them for a long moment before he finally sighed.

"What about you?" came the soft inquiry.

"I'll be fine." She managed to whisper. She had to remain strong…she had to make him see her life was not worth his. He had thrown himself recklessly into the face of danger time and time again because of her….fires…freezers…bombs…hitmen…bullets. It was only a matter of time before his luck ran out. She did not want him to leave but she knew she had to let him go…for his sake.

"No you won't be." He remarked softly as if he were reading her thoughts.

A surge of anger rose within her as she spun to face him but her retort died on her lips as her eyes met his. Her breath caught at the emotion swirling in their blue depths; his expression reminding her that he had not been the only one who had nearly died in that alley.

"You forget that this is my decision as well." He said calmly. "I'm not leaving you."

Kate felt her defenses crumble as he closed the distance between them and gently pulled her into his arms. She clutched the fabric of his shirt tightly in her fists as she pressed her forehead against his shoulder. She had known that he would not give in so easily…though a small part of her wished that he would. He always came back no matter how hard she shoved him away…and it both terrified and thrilled her that he cared so deeply.

"I can't lose you." She whispered tightly as the tears began to flow faster, soaking into his shirt. She felt his arms tighten around her in response, enveloping her…as if he would never let go.

She felt his lips brush a soft kiss against her hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

Kate clutched him closer. It was a lie…one that she so desperately wanted to believe but they both knew that it was a promise that was impossible to guarantee…and yet she could not help but to play along.

"Promise me." She sniffed as she turned her head and pressed her ear to his chest, listening to the beat of his strong heart. Despite her fears she could not help but smile as she heard his soft reply.

"Always."

_I hope that you see right through my walls…I hope you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling…You put your arms around me and I'm home. _

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><p><em>have a song suggestion? send it to me and I'll see what I can come up with :)<em>


	3. I'm gonna love you  Martina McBride

_Disclaimer: Still don't own them…the song belongs to Martina McBride._

_Author's note: This is the partner piece to the Beckett POV with the Christina Perri song. I heard this one while in the midst of writing the last and it very nearly derailed it…I couldn't decide which song to use or who should tell the story so I chose to do both. This is from Castle's POV and again the spoilers are light. The song is a really great one in honor breast cancer survivors and fighters, but the chorus fit perfectly for this story…check the song out: "I'm gonna love you through it" by Martina McBride._

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><p><em>When you are weak I'll be strong, when you let go I'll hold on<em>

_And when you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes_

_When you feel lost and scared to death, like you can't take one more step_

_Just take my hand, together we'll get through it_

_I'm gonna love you through it_

_~Martina McBride _

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><p>Castle released a heavy sigh as he carefully propped his shoulder against the wall of the elevator; the box shuddered lightly as it began its decent. He felt as if he had been struck by a truck…and then drug around the block a few times. The bullets had struck his vest at a spot just under his left shoulder blade. Thankfully the caliber had been small but it had still been enough to knock the wind out of him as well as leave him with a few severely bruised ribs. It would be a while before he would be able to lie on his back again…or lean against a wall. He shifted carefully as he tipped his head back against the metal siding, watching the numbers as they counted down.<p>

His heart twinged as he recalled the look on Beckett's face when he had regained consciousness. He was certain the terror he had seen in their blue depths had been mirrored in his own. His heart had nearly stopped as he had watched her disappear into the alley after Esposito. He had only delayed long enough to retrieve his vest from the trunk before following them, fastening it on as he ran. He had reached them in time to see the suspect lower his gun at Beckett and had reacted without thinking, flashing back to another time and place. He had been too late once and he had promised himself it would never happen again, not if he had a chance to save her.

As senior agent on scene, she had remained behind with Esposito until backup arrived. She had been in with the chief when he had returned with Ryan after an hour or so of fun at the ER. Castle rubbed a rough hand over his face as he berated himself for what had happened next. He should have left the vest in the car, but instead he had brought it in with him, leaving it on his chair as he made his way to the break room. When he had returned it was gone…and so was Beckett. One look at Esposito and Ryan told him what had happened. He had made it to the elevators in time to watch the doors slide close; it failed to respond to his call as he jabbed the button. He watched until it stopped, noting the floor as he waited impatiently for its return, half hoping she would be on it when it did...but it was empty.

Castle opened his eyes as the elevator slid to a halt and the doors opened to reveal the darkened hallway beyond. The hour was late and the station house nearly empty with the exception of the graveyard shift. The gym was silent as were the supply and weight rooms. He made his way slowly along the corridor, listening and searching. He did not call out in fear that she might run. He had seen something in her eyes at the scene that had unnerved him, a vulnerability and fear that he had not witnessed in several months. Physically she had fully recovered…but mentally he was not so certain. He still had nightmares about that day. The glint of metal, the retort of the weapon, the blood…so much blood. He shook the thoughts from his mind as he forced himself to concentrate. He had to find her before someone else did…someone who would not understand.

A soft noise caught his attention as he paused at the door to the women's locker room. He eased the door open a crack…and his heart twisted in his chest as he registered a soft sobbing coming from inside the room. He pushed the door open further, his eyes straining to see in the dim light from a lone emergency bulb, set in the center of the ceiling near the tall lockers. He called out softly in an attempt not to startle her.

"Kate?"

The room fell silent. He moved forward, making no effort to quiet the squeak of his sneakers against the tiled floor as he moved deeper into the room. As he rounded the corner, he could just make out a dark shape huddled near the base of the lockers. Her head remained bowed, her eyes tightly closed, as he neared. He paused a few feet away, a wave of guilt washing through him as his eyes made out the vest clutched in her arms. He lowered his aching body carefully onto the bench between the lockers, wincing softly as a twinge shot up his spine in protest at the movement; he watched her silently, waiting for her to speak. After a long moment she raised her head, her fingers moving to trace the small tears in the Kevlar.

"I can order another." He heard himself say, though his thoughts echoed a different sentiment.

_I'm not sorry I did it_.

"Maybe one with more padding. Ooo or body armor like Batman." He continued blindly…suddenly desperate to see her smile…to known that his actions had not driven her into a relapse.

Her strangled laugh twisted in his gut as sharp as any knife blade. He remained still, watching as she pushed to her feet. He jumped slightly as she tossed the vest onto the bench beside him.

"You won't need another." She stated calmly, still refusing to meet his eyes. "You are done shadowing me, Castle, effective immediately."

He shoved back the mix of pain and panic that lanced through him at her words, reaching out to stop her as she began to move past. His grasp was light, but unyielding. He could not let her leave…not until they settled this…not until she knew…

"Kate."

He felt her tense as he stood; he let his hand fall away as she pulled free. He had restrained her once before and he feared their relationship still suffered for it…though he would do so again in a heartbeat if it meant her life. He felt himself let out a breath he had not been aware he had been holding as she paused a few paces away, her back to him. There was still a chance as long as she did not walk away.

"I'm not leaving." He stated.

She tensed at his words, as if she were steeling herself against something…or perhaps to do something. His answer came less than a heartbeat later.

"You have to." She replied. "Alexis needs you. It's too dangerous."

Her voice was calm, but her body language said otherwise. He knew her…better than anyone. He had been her shadow for nearly four years after all. She was afraid. His hands clenched at his sides at his sides as he fought the urge to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. She needed space and he would give it to her. It was an old argument and an old ploy she had used many time to control him in the past. It was true that he was in no hurry to leave his daughter, but he was not ready to sacrifice the woman who had stolen his heart either. Alexis was nearly grown; she was brilliant and resourceful. He knew if anything happened to him she would be fine. Selfish? Perhaps…but he knew if he asked her that his daughter would agree with him…Kate needed him more right now.

"What about you?" He asked.

His sharp eyes caught the slight drop in her shoulders at his question…and he knew what was coming.

"I'll be fine."

He held back a sigh as he recognized the martyrdom in her voice and defeat in her stance. She was one of the most selfless people he knew and yet sometimes she took it to an extreme, refusing to let anyone help her…believing that she put them all at risk. He had to make her see that she was not forcing him to do anything…that he had made his decision long ago when a sassy no-nonsense detective had invaded his party and carted him off for questioning. They had survived too much…and had come too far for him to give up on her now.

"No you won't be." He remarked softly, anticipating her response as he channeled the full intensity of his feelings for her into his eyes as she spun. She opened her mouth but no words came out as her eyes met his. He dropped his gaze slightly as he swept her face, drinking in the fact that she was alive and whole…and there was nothing on this earth that could prevent him from doing everything in his power to keep her that way.

"You forget that this is my decision as well." He said calmly. "I'm not leaving you."

Castle watched as her defenses crumbled at his words; she swayed, exhaustion evident in every line of her lithe frame. Sensing her acceptance, he closed the small distance between them and pulled her into his arms. He felt her fists clutch at his shirt as she pressed her forehead into his shoulder, her body tense and rigid.

"I can't lose you."

Castle closed his eyes tightly against the tidal wave of emotions which washed over him at her broken words. The damp of her tears against his shoulder helped to ground him as he gently tugged her closer. He turned his face into her hair, ruffling it as he let out a sigh. He brushed a kiss against her head as whispered the words that he knew they both needed to hear.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She sagged against him at his words, melting into his embrace as her fists released his shirt to slide around his torso. He bit back a groan as she brushed his bruises.

"Promise me."

A soft smile creased his lips despite the longing he heard in her voice. He knew that what she was asking was something neither could truly promise, but he would fight with his last breath to make her happy…to keep her safe. He buried his face against her soft hair as he drew her even closer before whispering the word he knew she was waiting to hear, infusing it with all the love and promise that he could.

"Always."

_I know that you're afraid and I am too, but you'll never be alone…I promise you_.


	4. You and I by Michael Buble

_Disclaimer: CASTLE belongs to ABC…the song belongs to Michael Buble._

_Author's note: This story has no spoilers…though it is slightly AU as I included a minor character that was unfortunately disposed of sometime in the early part of Season 3. This one is a bit of fluff to help offset the angst I am sure that is to follow with this Monday's Season 4 premiere. This one was inspired by the song 'You and I' as sung by Michael Buble – suggested by prdnanny. Hope you enjoy._

_Summary: After years of dancing around each other, they had both finally given in…and Castle found himself falling even deeper in love with her with each passing day…set to Michael Buble's 'You and I"_

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><p>"Have I already told you that you make a radiant bride?" Castle murmured. "I've never seen a more beautiful one."<p>

The woman in his arms laughed as he expertly spun her out in time to the music before drawing her close again.

"You look so happy." He continued.

"I am happy, kiddo." His mother replied as she beamed up at him. "I never thought I could be this happy again, but here I am."

Castle smiled as he pulled her into a hug as the song came to an end, his eyes misting as he held her close. "I'm going to miss you." He whispered.

Martha pulled back, gently framing his face with her small hands. Her eyes shimmered brightly as she smiled fondly at her son. "I'm going to miss you too, but really, Richard, Chet and I will only be across town. It isn't the moon."

Castle laughed softly. "Might as well be."

She smiled as she lowered her hands to the lapels of his jacket. "Richard, I love you and I am so proud of the man you have become." Her eyes met his as they grew serious. "But let me give you a bit of advice…don't wait too long or you might just miss your chance."

Castle's smile softened as he nodded. "I won't, I promise." He hugged her close once more, releasing her as the leader of the band announced that it was time for the bride and groom's last dance.

"There's my beautiful bride." Chet grinned as he appeared beside them on the floor. Martha laughed as he looped an arm around her waist and drew her close. "I thought you might have changed your mind on me."

She kissed her new husband before gracing him with a beautiful smile. "Oh no, I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

"I'm afraid she means it." Castle remarked with a look of mock sympathy. He offered his hand to Chet. "Good luck to you."

The older man laughed as he took it. "Thank you. I'll take good care of her."

Castle graced them with a warm smile. "I'm sure you will."

He watched as the pair made their way out to the center of the dance floor as the band began their final song of the night. He had a feeling that this marriage would be a good one; Chet truly loved his mother and she loved him in return. Her room would always be ready for her…but he had a strong feeling that she wouldn't be needing it anytime soon. As much as he would miss having her around, he was happy for her. She deserved to be happy.

Castle shifted his attention to the remainder of the ballroom, his eyes scanning the crowd for a certain beautiful detective. A soft smile stole over his handsome face as he caught sight of her out on the terrace; he wove his way through the crowd of couples as they began to fill the dance floor and a soft tenor voice began to sing.

"_Here we are on earth together…just you and I…God has made us to fall in love, it's true…I've really found someone like you…"_

Castle paused at the edge of the room, captivated by the vision before him. Kate stood with her back to him, her hands on the marble railing that lined the edge of the balcony. The fabric of her strapless midnight blue evening gown shimmered beneath soft light cast from the small lanterns which hung artfully overhead. His eyes caressed her lithe frame, lingering on the flawless porcelain skin of her exposed shoulders and neck. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he contemplated how lucky he was. After years of dancing around each other, they had both finally given in…and two glorious years later, he found himself falling even deeper in love with her with each passing day.

"_Will it stay, the love you feel for me…will it say, that you will be by my side to see me through…until my life is through…Cause in my mind, you will stay here always…in love…you and I…you and I…you and I."_

Kate turned as she sensed his presence and Castle felt his insides turn to a warm goo as she smiled at him. He found himself wondering…and not for the first time…what he had done to deserve her. He moved forward, his eyes never leaving hers, and offered his hand; he drew her into his arms as she accepted it and began to move them slowly in time to the music. After a moment, Kate gently tugged her hand from his and slid her arms around his neck as she laid her head against his broad shoulder. Castle wrapped his arms around her slender waist as he brushed his cheek against her soft hair. His eyes drifted close as the peace of the moment washed over him.

"_I am glad…at least in my life, I've found someone that may not be here forever to see me through…but I found my strength in you.."_

His mother's advice rose to the forefront of his thoughts he listened to the lyrics of the song. He had no intention of letting Kate get away…or waiting much longer to make her his… He knew there was no guarantee that they would always be together. Her job was not without its dangers, however it was what she loved and an integral part of who she was…and he would never ask her to give it up for him. As long as she chose to serve the city she loved, he would stand beside her… He needed her. She was his rock…his guiding light…he had been lost before she had entered his life and had never even known it. Castle smiled as he turned his head slightly and brushed a kiss against her forehead as he cradled her closer. They had ceased dancing and were now just simply swaying to the music which filtered through the open doors.

"_Cause in my mind, you will stay here always…in love…you and I…you and I…you and I."_

Despite his previous apprehension, Castle knew without a doubt that Kate was the one he wanted to love forever…to grow old with. She was his 'one and done'. The ring he had carried around for nearly a month felt heavy in his pocket…and he knew there could never be a better time than now. He gently pulled back, meeting Kate's questioning gaze with a reassuring smile as he reached into his pocket. Her eyes widen as he withdrew a small velvet pouch, lowering to one knee before her as he tipped its contents into his palm. The diamond solitaire sparkled beneath the soft light and his warm eyes met hers once more, his confidence returning as he saw the answer in her eyes.

"Katherine Beckett, will you marry me?"

"_In my mind we can conquer the world…in love… you and I."_


	5. The Mistletoe Kiss by Margaret Whiting

_Disclaimer: Not mine…would make a nice Christmas gift though ;)_

_Author's note: Just a bit of Christmas fun inspired by an older song entitled 'The Mistletoe Kiss' by Margaret Whiting. Hope you enjoy. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to one and all!_

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><p>When the party starts and the night is young,<p>

Go and find where the mistletoe's hung,

And if standing there is a pretty miss

Get yourself a mistletoe kiss.

Margaret Whiting – 'The Mistletoe Kiss'

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><p>"Castle."<p>

Kate's eyes narrowed as the grin on Castle's face grew wider, in spite of the warning tone in her voice.

"Yes, Kate?" He replied, his eyes alight with merriment as he glanced up at the small sprig of green which had 'magically' appeared over the doorway of the precinct break room.

"What is that doing there?" She hissed quietly as she took a half a step backward, glancing through the glass windows at the nearly empty floor of the bullpen. The Captain's office was dark and those who remained seemed more interested in their paperwork than the standoff currently waging between the two.

Castle shrugged. "I have not a clue, my dear detective." She suppressed a shiver as his eyes grew perceptively darker. "A Christmas miracle, perhaps? I've been a good boy this year."

A soft snicker drew her attention in the direction of her remaining partners. The two men ignored her icy glare, their attention intently focused on the screens before them. Her eyes narrowed further as realization struck her as to the source of the mistletoe.

"You two are so getting coal for Christmas." She bit out as she tried to figure another way out of the room. It was late and all she wanted to do was to finish her paperwork and go home. Castle shifted his stance, effectively cutting off her sole route of escape.

"If this snow keeps up, we might need it." Esposito retorted.

If looks could kill, the two detectives would have been charbroiled in their seats…followed shortly by Castle's demise. The man in question returned her glare with a tired, but determined smile.

"Come on, Kate. You wouldn't want to break a time honored tradition, would you?" He teased.

"Get out of my way, Castle." She stated firmly.

"Something terrible will happen and it will be on your head." Castle countered as he folded his arms over his broad chest. "Six more weeks of winter…all because you were afraid of one little kiss." Kate's stomach did a flip-flop as gave her a lop-sided smile. "Come on, I won't bite…unless you want me to."

She glared at him as she leaned back against the edge of the counter, fully prepared to wait him out. Sooner or later he would have to move…or Gates would return, forcing them to hide the offending sprig of greenery before she noticed it. She was far from a Scrooge but the hardnosed Captain did require a certain level of professionalism despite the holiday season…and it wasn't as if they needed another excuse for her to try to throw Castle out.

A feeling of sadness replaced Kate's annoyance as her eyes shifted back to the Captain's office. It was times like these that Roy's loss seemed so fresh…she blinked back the tears that welled up in her eyes without warning. A small sad smile played briefly over her lips. He would have found the whole situation very funny…probably would have hung the mistletoe himself. The smile grew as her elbow bumped against a small bowl on the counter and she began to formulate a way out.

"Alright, Castle, you win." She purred smoothly as she pushed away from the counter, palming a candy from the bowl as she moved forward.

He watched her intently as she drew closer, a small bit of nervousness in his cobalt eyes at her sudden change in demeanor. She came to a stop, her lips inches from his as she smiled coyly at him.

"Just one kiss?" She asked.

At his nod she leaned up, closing the distance between them…and pressed the small foiled candy against his lips, laughing as he reached up in confusion to retrieve it. Kate took the opportunity to slip past him, a soft chuckle echoing through the room as she made her way to her desk. Castle met and held her gaze, his eyes alight with a challenge as he unwrapped the silver foil and popped the chocolate kiss into his mouth.

"You did say a kiss."

Kate grinned unrepentantly as she returned to her computer and her paperwork. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he made his way across the bull pen to her desk. Castle smiled as he bypassed his chair, choosing instead to lean over her shoulder. Kate suppressed a shiver as his warm breath brushed against her ear.

"This isn't over, my dear Kate. I'll catch you when you least expect it." Castle rumbled softly. He straightened and gathered his coat from his chair before sauntering toward the elevator, singing a tune from an old carol. Kate fought down the blush she felt rising to her face as she met his challenging grin with one of her own. Let him try his best…there were over thirteen different varieties of Hershey Kisses the last time she checked.

"_Lots of fun you are sure to miss if you don't get that mistletoe kiss…"_


	6. Lullaby by Nickleback

_Disclaimer: They aren't mine…just borrowing them for a bit_

_Author's Note: Wrote this piece a bit ago and added a bit more to it. Inspired by Lullaby by Nickleback, a hauntingly sweet song that I thought might fit a situation like this perfectly. I know there are a few ficts with similar scenarios – though hopefully not quite like this one as I couldn't get it out of my head. _

_Summary:_ _He should have listened to his instinct. He had known that something wasn't right…but he pushed it aside in favor of allowing her space. A mistake he vowed never to make again…set to Lullaby by Nickleback._

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><p><em>So just give it one more try to a lullaby and turn this up on the radio,<em>

_If you can hear me now I'm reaching out to let you know that you're not alone,_

_And if you can't tell I'm scared as hell 'cause I can't get you on the telephone,_

_So just close your eyes, oh, honey, here comes a lullaby, _

_Your very own lullaby…_

_-Nickelback 'Lullaby'_

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><p>The streets were empty other than the occasional yellow cab. At another time his writer's brain might have considered the irony of the stillness that seemed to blanket the city that never slept, but at the moment he was conscious of nothing other than the road before him and the barely audible sound of hitched breathing issuing from the speaker of the phone clenched in his hand.<p>

"I'm almost there, Kate."

His voice was calm and steady. His 'dad' tone, Alexis called it. Castle swallowed hard as a faint sniff whisper across the line. He continued his mindless dialogue in an effort to fill the space, to distract her…bits of stories he had told his daughter when she was small, jokes he had heard at the station, embarrassing stories about her partners, fond memories of times spent together…anything and everything that popped into his mind slipped through his lips as he fought to keep his partner's attention on him and away from the nightmares that threatened to consume her.

"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.."

He began to sing, pausing a beat between lines to clear his throat softly as his voice began to tremble. It grew stronger as he began again, his ears straining for a sign that she was still listening…that she was still on the line. It had all seemed a little too easy…PTSD was not something one just got over quickly and though Kate had managed to get through the worst of it in the aftermath of the sniper case, Castle suspected that she still suffered from nightmares. Oh, she would try to hide it behind artfully applied makeup and overly bright smiles, but he could tell…somehow he always knew. He had dropped subtle hints that he was available and willing to listen anytime she needed to talk, day or night...and not so subtle hints following the case they had just closed.

A mother gunned down in an alley, a suspected robbery gone bad. It had struck too close to home…and had dredged up too many bad memories. Kate had worked tirelessly, refusing to give up until the killer was behind bars and the family of the victim was given the closure that she had been robbed of. She had gracefully excused herself from his offer to buy a round of drinks at _The Old Haunt_, saying all she wanted was a hot bath and sixteen hours of uninterrupted sleep. He had watched her walk away, an act that he mentally berated himself for now. He should have listened to his instinct. He had known that something wasn't right…but he pushed it aside in favor of allowing her space. A mistake he vowed never to make again. The fear in her voice when he had answered her call was forever burned into his brain. And yet a small part of him was elated that it had been him who she had called…a part that faded quickly at the sound of each tortured sob that issued over the line.

Castle paused in his singing as the phone suddenly went deathly silent.

"Kate?"

His eyes shifted from the road to his phone, his throat tightening as he read 'End Call' on the screen of his phone.

"Call Beckett."

He near shouted as his foot weighed heavy on the gas pedal of the car. His panic grew stronger as the call went straight to her voice mail. Tires screeched against the asphalt of the road as he took the turn onto her street nearly on two wheels. The SUV slid to a halt against the curb in front of her building and he was out of the vehicle and halfway to the door of her building before he registered that it was a no-parking zone. Castle dismissed it as he fumbled for the set of keys that Kate's father had given him in case of just such an event. He wrenched the door open, moving across the lobby toward the stairs as his trembling hands dialed her number again.

No reply.

Castle swore softly as he shoved the phone into the pocket of his jacket and concentrated on climbing the stairs. He reached her floor in record time a bit out of breath, pausing just outside her door for a moment as a thought crossed his mind as to whether or not she was armed. In her current state of mind, it would not fare well for either of them if she was and he startled her. His knock brought no answer. He turned the key in the lock and eased the door open, calling her name softly.

No answer.

The interior of the apartment was dark and silent as he eased inside, closing the door behind him. A dim light spilled from the kitchen, though a sweep confirmed the room was empty…as was the open living room/dining room area. He rounded the corner and made his way down the narrow hallway toward the rear of the apartment. Her bedroom was silent and empty, illuminated dimly by the light which spilled from the beneath the door of the en suite bath. He stepped over the pile of twisted blankets which lay abandoned on the floor and paused with his hand on the door knob, shifting his body out of the line of fire as he eased the door open.

"Kate, it's Castle. Can I come in?"

He pushed the door open wider and slowly eased around the corner as silence greeted him. His eyes grew soft as they settled on Kate where she sat huddled in the corner of the room, her forehead against the smooth porcelain rim of the large soak tub, fast asleep. There was a slight acid smell which confirmed his fear that she had been sick, though no evidence remained. A small frown creased his lips as she wrapped her arms tighter around her torso as a small draft slipped through the open doorway and into the small space. Her phone sat beside her on the floor, silent and dark. Castle picked it up carefully, grimacing to find it was dead.

He set the phone on the counter and shrugged out of his jacket before kneeling beside her and carefully wrapping it around her. Kate startled awake as it enveloped her. Her hazel eyes were blurry as they settled on his face. Confusion filtered across her pale face as she unconsciously burrowed deeper into the warmth of his jacket.

"Hi there."

Her eyes flooded with tears as realization replaced the confusion.

"You came."

His heart twisted in his chest at her faint whisper. Castle sank to the tiles beside her as she freed her arms and wrapped them around him with a sob. He gathered her in his strong arms, pulling her up off the cold floor and into his lap, cradling her close as she trembled against him.

"Always."

He whispered the word against her hair as he held her securely. His eyes drifted close as he relished the fact that she was alive and whole…he had no doubt that in time she would make it through this…he would see that she did…

"Always."

_Please let me take you out of the darkness and into the light…'cause I have faith in you that you're gonna make it through another night…_


	7. Breath Again by Sara Bareilles

_Disclaimer: Castle belongs to ABC and Breath Again to Sara Bareilles_

_Author's Note: This one is for ffreaderwriter and her never ending string of song fiction challenges. Spoilers included for __**47 Seconds**__._

_Summary: _He was gone. Castle was gone and it was all her fault. She had never meant for him to find out this way._ Spoilers included for __**47 Seconds**__._

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><p><em>Car is parked…bags are packed…but what kind of heart doesn't look back at the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours… <em>

Kate stared unseeing at the dark dashboard of her car as her fingertips worried the rough edge of the key clutched in her hand. She let her head fall back against the leather headrest with a defeated sigh as she replayed the day's events in her mind. She should have known something was wrong when she found the coffee waiting on her desk, but no Castle… He had wanted to speak with her…wanted to tell her something important.

The look in his eyes had both filled her with warmth and awakened the hoard of butterflies which had taken residence in her mid-section sometime over the past month. After years of dancing around the issue, they had reached the transition point…from what could be to what would be…and she had finally been ready to take that step. Ready to admit to the world that she was in love with Richard Castle…and let the chips fall where they may…

But she had destroyed it all with one slip of the tongue…

He was gone.

Castle was gone and it was all her fault.

She had never meant for him to find out this way.

_All those words came undone…and now I'm not the only one…facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns…_

A tear escaped her tightly clenched eyes; she brushed it away with a trembling hand. A shudder ran the length of her weary frame as she struggled to pull her fragile emotions under control.

The realization had struck her mere moments after she had watched him leave. By then it was too late. At first she had denied it, dismissing his sudden change in behavior as a byproduct of an extremely emotional taxing case. He was just tired. They all were. He would be fine. They would be fine…

…but nothing could be further from the truth.

She had lied to him.

She had allowed her fear and her pain to get the best of her and she had lost him. There was no going back. She had seen that much in his eyes. She had seen it in the eyes of his mother when she had answered the door to the loft. The hurt…the disappointment…the worry..

He hadn't come home. He wasn't answering his cell. It was as he had dropped off the face of the planet. His family was worried. Heck, she was worried…nearly worried enough to try to gain access to the GPS tracking technology once more…but she knew it would be useless as he had turned off his cell.

He didn't want to be found.

She brushed the tears away roughly with her fingertips as she jammed the key into the ignition and gave it a violent twist. The engine screeched in protest as she shoved the car into drive and pulled away from the curb…and then it hit her and she knew exactly where he would be. The tires squealed in protest against the rough asphalt as she threw the vehicle into an illegal U-turn and floored the gas.

_Open up next to you…and my secrets become your truth…and the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view…_

The sun was beginning its final decent as she reached her destination, streaks of pink and orange beginning to fading into the soft bluish-black of night. Her knuckles whitened as she eased the car through the iron wrought gates and onto the wide drive. She pressed back the fear that lingered at the edges of her mind…ignoring it as she crested the top of the rise and slowed the car to a stop along the edge of the curb. Her eyes strayed of their own accord toward the top of the hill…and her heart stilled as her eyes settled on Castle's familiar form, silhouetted against the evening sky.

Kate turned the key, plunging her world into silence as she watched him for a moment…toying with the idea of turning around and going home. She let out a low growl at her cowardice and pulled the key from the ignition, shoving it into the pocket of her jacket as she forced herself to get out of the car. He turned his head slightly as she shut the door, the quiet catch echoing across the mist shrouded grounds…but he did not turn, his eyes focused on the marble slab before him.

_Hang my head…break my heart…built from all I have torn apart…and my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore_

Her heart sank as her eyes settled on the set of his broad shoulders. After nearly four years, his every mannerism was as familiar to her as her own…she had seen him at his best and at his worst…and yet she had never witnessed this particular emotion, at least not directed toward her.

Disappointment…betrayal…defeat…

Tears blurred her vision, swirling her surroundings into a kaleidoscope of gray granite, white sandstones and black marbles against a background of green. Her heart plunged upward to lodge in her throat, choking her as she came to a stop a mere few feet away.

Roy's gravestone stood before him, but he it was not the focus of his attention. Her eyes followed his to a patch of grass off to the side which was much like the rest…except that it wasn't…

Kate felt as if the air had been driven from her lungs as images of red blood on white gloves flooded her vision without warning.

"I'm sorry…" She gasped, as she fought to breathe.

Darkness blurred the edges of her mind as she was assailed by memories of that day of her mentor's funeral…the day she had nearly died. Her hand strayed to her scar, fingertips rubbing in vain against the searing pain in her chest.

"Rick, I'm so sorry."

She felt body waver as her knees began to give way beneath the onslaught of her emotions, and she felt her body falling toward the soft ground.

_All I have…all I'll need…he's the air I would kill to breathe…holds my love in his hands…still I'm searching for something…_

The swirling green vanished, replaced by a grayish blue…and instead of the cold wet grass her cheek landed against a warm, wool covered chest. The world began to quiet as she pressed deeper into her partner's embrace, taking comfort in his solid safety of his strength. Comfort she knew she didn't deserve but so desperately longed for…

She needed him.

She couldn't live without him.

She loved him.

…and in that moment she told him so…

_Out of breath, I'm left hoping someday…I'll breathe again…_

For a brief moment, she felt his body tense and a tidal wave of sadness overtook her as she felt his arms loosen their grip and pull away. She swayed on her feet as the cold air rushed, extinguishing the warmth of him. She swallowed heavily as she fought to pull her emotions under control…fought to find the strength to accept his decision…

She didn't deserve his forgiveness.

Before she could take a step, his hands moved to cradle to her face and she felt the rough pads of his thumbs gently skim across her cheeks, gently brushing her tears away. She remained frozen, afraid that if she moved he would vanish and it would all be a dream.

"Kate, look at me." His voice rumbled softly.

She opened her eyes slowly, fearing what she might see and yet longing to know the truth. His warm blue gaze shimmered beneath tears of his own.

"I forgive you." He murmured as he pressed his forehead against hers. "I forgive you."

Kate gripped his warm wrists with her chilled hands, holding tight to him. Her eyes locked on his.

"Why?" she breathed.

A shiver ran the length of her spine as his soft warm breath caressed her face as he laughed softly. He shifted, closing the distance between them…his lips brushing hers as he spoke the worlds which breathed life back into her chilled heart.

"Because I love you."

_I'll breathe again…_


End file.
